[Question:]{.underline} Is it objectively wrong if, in the course of events leading up to and ending with the conjugal act, oral stimulation is enjoyed?
[Answer:]{.underline} This delicate question concerns the practice of the virtue of conjugal chastity. Perfect chastity is the virtue of the unmarried person, and excludes any sexual pleasure in thought, desire or action. Conjugal chastity, that is between married persons, is lesser known. It is the virtue by which the spouses exclude any sexual pleasure in thoughts, desires or actions which are ordered to the primary or second ends of marriage, which are obtained through the marriage act itself. Mortal sins against conjugal chastity include not only adultery and sins of impurity alone, but also any other acts that would procure full sexual pleasure outside of the normal, consummated marriage act, which is apt to engender children. This includes such perversions as sodomy within marriage or oral sex with spilling of the seed.
It is commonly said that intimacies between a married couple are all permissible, for as long as they culminate in the marriage act, apt to engender children, and there is no spilling of the seed, or full pleasure outside of that act.
However, a further distinction has to be made. Venial sins against the virtue of conjugal chastity are perfectly possible. A venial sin in the noble marriage act, established by God and furnished with pleasure for the good of mankind, takes place whenever man introduces a lesser disorder into the act. This lesser disorder exists when a man seeks pleasure for pleasure`s sake. Every human act, being human, must be ordered by reason. If a man acts purely and simply for pleasure, and not for any reason at all, then the act is disordered. It is the case of gluttony, when a man no longer eats or drinks for the good of his bodily health, but to the contrary out of pure pleasure. The disorder is not grievous and so the sin is venial. Likewise, the marriage act must be ordered by reason, either to the procreation of children when this is possible, or to one of the secondary ends of marriage when this is not, such as mutual love and help, consolation and calming of the passions. This act of reason does not have to be reiterated every time the marriage act takes places, but most be virtual, or implicit, contained in the general intention, if the marriage act is to be an act of self-giving, of love, according to God`s plan and holy will, and perfectly ordered.
Having laid out the principles, we can now answer the question. If oral stimulation is helpful to the accomplishing of the marriage act, and if it is done precisely with this purpose in mind, such as to bring about mutual orgasm, and if there is no danger of the spilling of the seed, then such oral stimulation is entirely reasonable, and not a sin in any way, and perfect order is maintained. However, if the oral stimulation is done for selfish “reasons“, or for pure pleasure, and not for any of the primary or secondary ends of marriage, then there is a slight disorder and venial sin is committed. If it is done with spilling of the seed (real or intended), or in order to prevent conception, then the sin against conjugal chastity is a mortal sin.
In conclusion, married couples who love one another are not to be troubled in conscience on account of oral stimulation, if their intention is to accomplish the marriage act in the ordinary manner, and if there is no danger of pollution, for they are not acting out of pure pleasure.
Answered by Father Peter Scott, SSPX.